I Have Something to Say
*Apologies in advance for the length of this blog post. If I had the space of a book it still wouldn’t do justice to what has occurred over the past five months.
Before anyone can get to my account of the I Have Something to Say mission in Rwanda it is necessary to write out a foreword. This will include what the I Have Something to Say event is all about, how it went from SOAS all the way to the African Leadership University (ALU) in Rwanda, and its projected implications in the ALU-SOAS partnership. But, before all that, I suppose it would be uncourteous not to introduce myself.
Foreword
My name is Ali Alsayegh. I study MSc Middle East Politics at SOAS, but that’s not really relevant to this blog. I have previously suffered from my own mental health problems. I have experienced depression (which is a term I use just to simplify the whole experience) twice for a span of six months each time between late 2015 to early 2017. Upon my journey in overcoming my psychological setbacks I was truly enlightened by many discoveries and reaffirmations; existential (my purpose), psychological (why I was depressed), spiritual (my faith in God) and the like. Though, one enlightened moment truly stood out, this moment helped me discover fear.
As I contemplated and dissected the idea of fear, I began to realise that it is the excess of fear present within me is what truly set me back psychologically from defeating my depression, fulfilling my objectives and succeeding in life. I even came to the conclusion that fear is the number one factor that pushes and pulls people away from the potential they all inherently behold, the fulfilment of their objectives and attaining their destinies. If we think about it, the main psychological reason why we don’t do something is because, ‘we are afraid to do it’. This fear is reinforced because of doubt in ourselves, our capabilities and even the environment around us. I then began to hypothesise that the more we overcome fears in our lives the more emancipated we are from fear, its immobilising effects and the doubt that sustains it. Moreover, with every fear that is surmounted, it is always replaced with hope as hope is the antithesis of doubt, the sustenance of fear. Hope then generates a force that acts as the water that extinguishes the fires of fear. This force is belief. Furthermore, the more hope and belief we have in our lives the more we persevere and dispel the immobilising and dispiriting chains of fear and doubt.
So, I thought to myself when I came to SOAS: ‘since this university is initiative-friendly, why not create an event that attempts to stimulate this hope and belief?’ Basically, why not invent something that allows people to overcome a fear, inspire one another, and build their confidence? Not only will people get closer to psychological emancipation, but also allow people to relate to one another in a meaningful manner, foster new bonds, relationships and possibly revitalise a community. Imagine what world we would live in if everyone who has the potential (and everyone has this potential) for positive change, finally has enough belief in themselves to pursue that change. Think about the potential inherent to a revitalised community once it reintegrates with itself. At this moment, the I Have Something to Say event was born.
What is I Have Something to Say?
- It is an event that seeks to provide a space and opportunity for teachers and staff to overcome their fear of public speaking, share their experiences regarding how they overcame fear in their life, and even advocate a life lesson they think should be internalised and taken into deep consideration. To start off the event 8-10 speakers minimum are needed. At the end of the event, an open mic session takes place wherein people from the audience have the opportunity to spontaneously come up on stage if they would like to, and accomplish for themselves what the speakers have accomplished.
Examples of experiences shared at previous events:
1) Rape
2) Social isolation
3) Fear of being forgotten
4) Losing a mother and father
5) Overcoming the desire to commit suicide
6) Life as a refugee
7) Finding God
8) Having everything then losing it all
9) Overcoming the fear of speaking
One though may ask, what is the point in coming up on stage and attempting to overcome fear, share experiences and advocate life lessons?
The projected result:
- Students and staff feel imbued with more hope and belief in themselves to overcome obstacles, hardships and even bigger fears that were once deemed unlikely to surmount.
- A sense of community is fostered among the constituents of the institution that the event takes place in. No longer will people walk past each other as students and staff, but rather, as humans with a story that others can relate to, and possibly even sympathise and empathise with.
- The stories, messages, inner strength and courage of individuals is demonstrated, which in itself has an inspiring effect that can take many forms. This, for example, can incite people to think, ‘well, if they can do it, I can do it!’.
From SOAS to ALU:
One day during the campaign for the very first I Have Something to Say events, a lady with short hair came up to me and asked what this event was about. Upon explaining, I slowly saw interest brighten and eyes widen. This lady told me that the event is a wonderful idea, agreed to speak at the event, and even told me that she was going to get me in touch with someone who may have a particular interest in the event. This lady was none other than Andrea Cornwall. After eventually finding out that she is part of the management team of SOAS, I really began to feel that this event may go to an unimaginable place and far beyond my initial conceptions. The person that she got me in touch was Sindifiona Gordon, who is a SOAS staff member that is currently at ALU putting forward invaluable work to help the SOAS-ALU partnership truly blossom, bloom, and come to fruition.
Upon first contact through a Whatsapp call with Sindi I immediately sensed her enthusiasm for the event. The reactions she gave me upon explaining to her what happened at the very first event, provoked thoughts that convinced me of the worth of I Have Something to Say. We talked a bit about the possibilities of me coming to Rwanda to help establish an I Have Something to Say event at ALU and embed it within its culture, as an event that takes place on a regular basis. This talk soon became a reality after returning to her with results from the second I Have Something to Say event, which included an increase of volunteers willing to speak, double the turnout, and intimate and profoundly heart-felt stories that, for a few hours, produced this sense that everything and anything was possible. It was truly a transformative night for me, and I believe, for everyone involved. The event even went one-hour overtime because of how many people from the audience spontaneously decided to come up on stage to share their own stories. After sharing these results with Sindi we strove to obtain SOAS sponsorship to initiate the I Have Something to Say mission. The person who helped turn this mission into reality is Deborah Johnston.
Deborah agreed to sponsor me and cover my ticket and subsistence expenses to go to the trip. ALU also agreed to accommodate me and cover my transport expenses. In truth, had it not been for these two actors the mission would have not turned into reality. Had it not been for Andrea the mission would have never started, and if it weren’t for Sindi and her undying enthusiasm and support, the hope that sustained the momentum of the mission would have certainly waned. Tofik Saad, an ALU staff member, also joined Sindi in her enthusiasm and support. Knowing that an ALU staff member was in support of the mission truly maintained my own zeal in the build-up to go to Rwanda. So, I would like to take the opportunity to thank all of these actors, without all of your integral roles, me boarding that RwandAir plane (which is much nicer than the British Airway’s planes by the way) would have never taken place.
Projected Implications for the SOAS-ALU Partnership:
By spreading the I Have Something to Say event to ALU, and being the first student to travel to ALU under the banner of the SOAS-ALU partnership, this is meant to evolve the SOAS-ALU partnership to a new and unprecedented stage. In Sindifiona’s own words: ‘this [event] marks the beginning of a partnership between ALU and SOAS … this is our first step of many exchanges, partnerships and activities across continents’. In my own opinion, I believe that by embarking on this mission, this will create more intimacy in the SOAS-ALU partnership, set it in stone and open doorways to greater possibilities. Moreover, to be associated with the top most innovative university in Africa today, and possibly set-up pathways to have ALU students and staff interact with SOAS students and staff, shall truly pave the path to meaningful learning opportunities, mutual growth and betterment. I say this because ALU students and staff are truly unique and I believe that wherever they go, they will spread invaluable wisdom and knowledge.
Day-to-Day Account of the Mission
‘A truly life-changing experience’
Day 1:
Prior to flying to Kigali (Rwanda’s capital), I felt anxious, fearful and doubtful. I felt doubtful of my capabilities to travel all the way to a country I’ve never been to before, interact with people I know little about, and try to establish this, in my eyes, life-changing event. I was fearful of what I might experience in this country I know little about. I was anxious about everything related to this mission.
Though, upon my arrival to Kigali, I saw something. I sensed something. Something beyond the hills populated with greenery that met my eyes as I stepped off the plane. Something beyond the looks I got from the Rwandan people I passed by. Those long stares that start with a straight face only to end with a huge smile as soon as I smile and wave. Those magnificent smiles that emanated a peaceful vibe. Something beyond the beautiful nature I was surrounded by and the lovely spring weather. I thought long and hard at the end of my first day, and I remembered my discussions with Sindi and Tofik (ALU staff I am working with to establish a I Have Something to Say event at ALU) at a café atop the city library.
We had laughs, focused discussions, casual brainstorming and of course, amazing thick coffee. I felt as though we were on the same page and equally motivated to fulfil our objective. At that moment, is when I realised, the anxiety, doubt and fear I had of coming to Rwanda was dispelled by new-found hope, belief and confidence in the prospects of success. All thanks to just being on the same page with Sindi and Tofik. It is phenomenal how common understanding can make a world of a difference in the face of objectives that are yet to be fulfilled.
View from the café – 03/03/2019 – Day 1
Day 2:
My first day attending ALU. I was anxious to begin with because it was requested of me to attend a class and explain to students what the event was all about. Prior to explaining, I saw the class unfold before my eyes and witness how students were talking about their own experiences regarding topics such as the comfort zone. I felt I could really relate to them on an intimate and personal level. This dispelled some the pre-existing anxiety and allowed me to begin explaining what the event was all about. The students seemed very receptive to the idea of I Have Something to Say.
Throughout the day, I interacted with students and staff members explaining to them the rationale for this event. I largely got positive feedbacks, even though some were a bit cautious of participating. I got some personal questions with regards to who I was and why I even decided to create this event, but all is well and good, as I feel it truly helped establish a bond of trust with students and staff alike.
I would like to round this entry off by saying that ALU has some phenomenal critical thinking minds at their campus, which makes me think: imagine if the fears and doubts that are psychologically holding back these gifted and motivated people from their destinies, dissipate? How different would Africa be? And potentially, how different would the world be?
Side-note: we got five confirmed volunteering speakers for the event on this day! Campaigning for the event, grabbing people’s attention and recruiting speakers has thus far been successful. All we need is a minimum of 8-10 speakers.
Day 3:
At the student accommodation – 05/03/2019 – Day 3
Today was a beautiful day. I went to this class in the morning and heard some very interesting topics that were being discussed by students. For example, what do you do when you are in a position where you must cross a moral boundary for some sort of gain? Is African feminism the same as western feminism? Students and teachers continued to amaze me with their own take on these questions, I felt as though the future would be bright and filled with invaluable practical knowledge and wisdom.
Today I also printed out around 60 copies of the posters telling people about the event, and when and where it will take place. Two posters were created with different details with regards to the event. I thought that this would be particularly useful to get the students talking about the event. A third poster was also created by Tofik which I found very elegant and quite easy on the eyes. With the help of Sindi and Tofik we also gave some copies to the teachers to give out to students in class. I even went with Tofik on the university bus to go to the student accommodation called Rouge to put up some posters. On the bus I had the opportunity to give a mini-speech about the event and students snapped their fingers in approval of what I was saying about the event, so that’s a good sign! We also tried to track down popular students and give them some posters to spread the word around within their own networks. We got two confirmed volunteering speakers from our trip to the accommodation in addition to our pre-existing five.
Tofik’s poster – 05/03/2019 – Day 3
Generally, people seemed very enthusiastic about the open mic session that is at the end of the event wherein they can spontaneously get up on stage and say whatever they’ve been holding back in their hearts and minds. The signs seem hopeful at the moment for the prospects of this event and its success. Today was truly one of those days where hope persistently illuminated every path and effort that was taken.
Superstitious side-note: it was even forecasted to be gloomy day with rain and clouds, but the sun just shined on throughout the whole day.
The two posters distributed at ALU and student accommodation – 05/03/2019 – Day 3 (zoom-in to read details)
Day 4:
Today was a learning experience. After having hung up around 80 posters on campus, I was faced with the task of communicating to and convincing the teachers of the worth of this event, and how important it is that they partake in coming up on stage to perform their own stories regarding how they overcame fear. In truth, we must all acknowledge that students, to an extent, look up to teachers and take ques from them. For a teacher to humble themselves and show how they, once upon a time, went through hardships and adversity only to arise victorious, is in itself, an inspiration for all those involved at the event, particularly students.
Thankfully, all of the teachers were enthusiastic about this event, nodded and smiled in approval and let me know that they would be considering the open mic session at the end. Except one. One put me on the spot and questioned the rationale of the event. He asked, how could I insure that the space will be one free of judgement and safe for students, and how does one become stronger by making oneself more vulnerable to the people by sharing one’s story? I had to think about this one for a while, but I eventually returned to him with an answer:
There will never be a space free of judgement. Humans have a natural tendency to judge what is before them, in informal interactions and at events. Without this reality of judgement there would be no fear to overcome by coming up on stage. For real change in our lives and the world around us we must not act when there is no fear, because fear will always be there, but rather, we must act despite it. Slowly I saw the teacher’s guard lower and he began listening attentively. And so, I continued:
No position of strength is created without becoming vulnerable in the beginning. No tower is created without the risk of workers getting injured or the tower falling while under construction. No success is created without taking a risk, and that risk is what makes us vulnerable. In truth, vulnerability is the gateway to strength. At this point, I was getting those nods of approval and even a smile worth a million words. This teacher had been convinced, maybe even inspired. The look in his eye and the smile on his face seemed to emanate that idea. He decided to share with me his story in overcoming fear and finally he agreed to perform. Quickly, another teacher also followed suit and put his name on the list of speakers. At the moment, we have 7 students and 2 teachers willing to perform. The threshold minimum for confirmed speakers has been reached, and who knows how many will want to participate at the open mic session.
Side-note: teachers are actually called facilitators at ALU, which I found particularly interesting. They are called facilitators, because they facilitate bringing to the fore the knowledge students have tucked within themselves. I thought this was quite inspirational in itself because it demonstrated confidence in students’ capabilities and capacities. Undoubtedly, students were able to sense this, which helps them to also have confidence in themselves.
Student takes the initiative to incite meaningful discussion in a seminal reading session – 06/03/2019 – Day 4
Day 5:
The day of the event. I woke up feeling this element of magic in the air. I began thinking that it might be hope and belief in the air, intoxicating my mind. I contemplated the feeling after my morning prayer and started to wonder, was this hope and belief to be manifested and spread at tonight’s event? We would soon find out.
With 9:10 hours to go, and there was still a lot of preparation to undergo. I still had to try do some work to get some staff members to attend, spread the word to other students, send out some emails, and of course, remember to eat.
With 3:30 hours to go, the day has been an emotional rollercoaster ride of sorts. Thankfully, I’ve been able to maintain my hopeful and positive mindset, which would have been impossible without the ALU staff and students’ support and enthusiasm. For the first time in my life I was called special by a person while they were tearing up. That was truly a special moment that I will never forget. It denied me the right of having any doubts prior to setting up the space for the event.
Students came up to me and demanded that they help me out with orchestrating the event. A demand I was only too happy to submit to. The university even agreed to provide £150 to get food and refreshments for the event, which was beyond helpful and nice of ALU to provide. The element of magic seems still to be in the air, but now, there is a sense of togetherness that engulfed the university as we continued preparing. For now though, I think I need to take a nap, I feel a bit exhausted.
Upon awaking, I realised that time was of the essence. I rushed to the space and began, with the help of volunteers, set up the seating arrangement for the space where the event will take place. Within 30-60 minutes everything was set, music was playing, mics were ready and people were beginning to take their seats. I must stop writing now, I have to do my prayers and hurry back to the event, it will be starting soon.
…
The event has come and gone, with magic having turned into ecstasy, hope into belief and potential into reality. Nine speakers came up on stage as part of the list of volunteers. Eight from the 120 in the audience spontaneously decided to come up on stage during the open mic. The event even extended 1 hour past the time it was supposed to end because of how many people wanted to come up on stage to share their experiences and overcome their fears! Many life-changing tales were shared.
The audience. Attendance was 120 which is around 18-20% of the student population, but it was truly the spirit that they brought with them that helped ignite the event– 07/03/2019 – Day 5
One brave person spoke about he lost his mother and his second father. Effectively, he lost his childhood from an early age. Another spoke about how his first memory was his mother wrapping him with a piece of cloth on her back to escape death during a civil war. One strong student talked of the value of his mother as she was the reason he did rescinded his decision to take his life. Another admirable student lectured and educated us all about the worth of women and the hardships they face. There were some who were even taking notes during her talk! Some even gracefully spoke about how they were afraid and only when they put their faith in God, were they able to overcome their fears. The two inspirational volunteering facilitators spoke of the value of being true to oneself, and also what its like to have everything, only to lose it all and then start from scratch again. One intriguing person even spoke about how he overcame his fear of being forgotten.
You could sense the passion at this space – 07/03/2019 – Day 5
Facilitator gets standing ovation from some students in the middle of his talk. 07/03/2019 – Day 5
Student talks about his experience with civil war. 07/03/2019 – Day 5
Facilitator talks about the necessity of being true to oneself.
07/03/2019 – Day 5
Sindi and I introducing the event – 07/03/2019 – Day 5
A student taking notes as a fellow student continues her talk about women – 07/03/2019 – Day 5
My life was truly changed as I listened to their stories. I interviewed 6 of the speakers after the event, asking them how they felt after speaking and about the event in general. I am glad to say that all of them pointed towards the positive effects of this event. Some felt inspired and motivated to continue overcoming fears and speaking in public. Others noted how the event created a sense of community. Some even reported a sense of emancipation. At the end of the event students joined one another in dancing and in celebration. It was truly a site to see. This blog will never provide enough space for what I have witnessed on this day. For 3 hours the horizons of change were widened. The gateway to possibility was thrusted open. Belief, confidence and courage were rampant. Ecstasy intoxicated the emotional climate of the space. At times collective effervescence designed the psyche of the people present. ALU is already a force to be reckoned with in Africa. A few more nights like this, and it might possibly become a force to be reckoned with globally.
Post-event Interviews:
Tsholo - ‘I genuinely felt like I was part of a larger community, and we had things we could relate on and engage on as a community’ – 07/03/2019 – Day 5
Duce – ‘What is important is not [just] for us to live with our life, but also impact other people out there’ – 07/03/2019 – Day 5
Mamdeeq – ‘It feels very good to speak about your feelings and your thoughts, it frees the soul… now I feel like I am very comfortable talking in English and connecting with others.’ – 07/03/2019 – Day 5
Eyul – ‘Hearing other peoples’ stories and what they went through really motivates you to keep going, keep doing what you’re doing, [and] get up. It was a really really incredible experience.’ – 07/03/2019 – Day 5
Day 6:
Today is my relaxation day. However, it is also the last day I will see this beautiful university. I went to ALU and got so many heart-felt thank yous and good-byes. I even got an ALU T-shirt. I kept telling everybody that thanks me, that in truth, it is them who helped make the event come true and all of the wonders that accompanied it. Without everyone’s role from the audience to the speakers and the organisers, nothing would have been possible.
Someone from the staff told me that I brought life back to their university. As flattering as that was, I had to object. The life was already there, I, with the unrelenting help, support and enthusiasm of everyone involved, just revitalised and re-ignited it.
On this day I went to the Genocide Memorial Centre. The sights and stories that I saw and heard were ones that shook me to the core. Seeing what had happened, I felt Rwanda, 25 years ago, had been experienced hell on earth. Nothing justifies what happened to the Rwandan people during the genocide. This population had and still has every right to grieve. I left the memorial with a heavy heart, feeling guilty and appreciative of the privileged life that I have been granted. Though, as I was walking down the street I saw tons of Rwandans walk past me and most if not all of them greeted me with a smile and even a lot of high-fives. I didn’t even know these people, but I was only too happy to smile and give them high-fives back. As I grabbed a moto (motorcycle taxi) to go to my next destination, I thought to myself: this population experienced one of the worst genocides in history, yet 25 years later, they are one of the most peaceful people I have met, their country has a very high development rate and they are almost always smiling whenever I see them! It truly seems that, even from darkness, hope always manages to sprout.
Side-note: I came to Rwanda thinking that I am going to inspire people to overcome fear, but in truth, it is Rwanda that has inspired me.
Genocide Memorial Centre – 08/03/2019 – Day 6
Garden of the Genocide Memorial Centre – 08/03/2019 – Day 6
Day 7:
My final day (well, final couple of hours) in Rwanda. I headed to airport taking with me all that was manifested from day one to day 5. The hope, belief, ecstasy, magic, faith, love, pain and gain, produced from these 5 days were all transformed into wisdom. A wisdom that will nurture my mind, mend my soul and cleanse my heart for years to come. True, I was on a six-day trip, but as I am boarding the plane now, I am returning to London a few years wiser. This mission will forever be remembered as the one that has truly enlightened and changed my life.
Last picture taken before entering the airport – 09/03/2019 – Day 7
Where do we go from here?
Reflecting upon this mission has made me realise and appreciate a great number of things. However, if I were to list them all I would need another 4,741 words. Though, I must say, seeing the beautiful transformative power of the I Have Something to Say Rwanda mission, has ultimately made me realise: this SOAS-ALU partnership must be solidified and pursued. The evolution of the SOAS-ALU partnership is central to recreate all the magnificent learning experiences of this mission for others and for the gates of possibility and opportunity to once again emanate potential. Imagine how the lives of both students and staff from SOAS and ALU will be enriched if more initiatives such as this occur in the future? This partnership will be one wherein both parties learn and benefit from one another’s uniqueness and diversity. A genuine and constructive positive-sum game as a politics student such as myself would call it.
The signs already seem bright for the SOAS-ALU partnership. After completing the I Have Something to Say mission, the number of ALU students interested in SOAS has multiplied, the director of the new Centre for Innovation in Learning and Teaching, David Webster, is to visit ALU soon, a SOAS-ALU summer school is also set to be established and ready-to-go for July. There seems to be more than just light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the tunnel there seems to be a land where possibilities of change, development, innovation and evolutionary potential are limitless. I would like to be the first to congratulate SOAS and ALU on their new-found partnership. Long may it last, and may its fruits become the gems that will enlighten the path to the future.